The desire for a loving, healthy relationship is as old as time and it's not likely to go out of fashion in the future.  In fact, we are becoming more aware that we all deserve the happiness that a successful relationship provides.  Why is it then, that our divorce rate is at an all time high and so many relationships are filled with emotional pain and disappointment, both physically and emotionally.  Is it simply a case of mass incompatibility or is there more to it?  I believe that the two big contributing factors are communication problems and negative relationship patterns that are imprinted on the subconscious, as a result of the programming we received in our early years. 

The work I do is called Astrological Counseling.  I work with people in many different area of life; changing cycles, finances, career, location changes and relationship issues.  Out of these subjects, questions on relationships are clearly in the lead and the most emotionally charged.  The first things I look for are the aspects that identify the subconscious memory patterns that are sabotaging the client's ability to form a healthy relationship.  These include, but are not limited to aspects to Venus, which represent our relationship dynamics.  There are several dilemmas around Venus that symbolize the problems we encounter in our relationships.  Some examples are: the fear of commitment, a lack of self worth, the need for freedom working against the need to have a relationship, naive idealism, co-dependency, compulsive attractions, and power struggles to name just a few of the more common issues. 

A look at the aspects to the Sun and the Moon give us the clues to the relationship our parents had to each other and our relationship to them.  Their relationship was our first role model and one which is usually deeply impressed on our subconscious mind.  That is why it is so common to end up in a relationship that are just like the parents.  Additionally, the relationship that we had with each of our parents spill over into our adult experiences in the same way.  How often do you hear someone say that they have married their mom or dad?  I hear it every day.  When there are difficult relationships with a parent, I believe that we attract partners into our lives that carry similar issues with us in order to work through the relationship with the parent in question.  Of course this is on a very subconscious level.  Are we doomed to repeat the same dysfunctional relationship patterns forever?  NO!  We can change our patterns by first identifying them, and then becoming aware of our actions and reactions and the emotions behind them.  Deeply imbedded or very destructive patterns may require therapy to reframe them successfully.  I highly recommend the effort, time and money in those cases.

Communication problems can be solved.  We need to understand how we communicate.  We all have our own style.  When communication is poor or lacking altogether between people, the solution is to recognize our separate styles and learn new skills individually and interactively.  Mercury is the key planet in our chart that symbolizes our style of communication and the planets that aspect it show us how well we are functioning in this very important area of our lives.  If we observe how one person's planets aspect Mercury in the other person's chart, we can unravel their communication problems.  Clarity in communication is essential to success in any relationship.  Fortunately, we can learn to communicate clearly and effectively.

Lastly there is the question concerning the potential of meeting someone who will be a romantic partner.  The individual astrology chart will indicate windows of opportunity and generally reveal the circumstances around any possible romantic encounter.  A relationship opportunity will manifest when the planetary energies are appropriate but only if the individual is open to the experience.  Fortunately these astrological opportunities come around quite often.  Some are far more powerful than others.  It helps to understand the type of energy that is stimulating the formation of a relationship if you are going to be successful in navigating through the experience.

Forming and maintaining a happy, healthy relationship requires a great deal of personal self awareness.  There are many ways to accomplish this, and I believe that your astrology chart is the first place to start.  All the information you need is there.  It will help you to know yourself and will identify the issues that need to be reframed and restructured.  You can step out of the loop of frustrating, dysfunctional experiences and into relationships that support who you are on all levels.  The power to change and evolve is within each and everyone of us if we truly want to do it.  You have the power to have the relationships that you want and deserve.  More on relationships in next month's article.

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